Day 19 – Leaping along the path

I am spending the last day of my summer vacation with myself.  I have been allowing inspired thoughts and actions.  I venture more deeply into the state of “what other people think of me is none of my business”.  I envy those humans who already believe this.  I am not there yet.  I often allow myself to be guided by the real or imagined reaction of others.  I seek approval. I cannot imagine life without it, right now in this moment.  It is, however, the next step for me.  Every moment is a step along the path which is my life, and the better I pay attention to the path, the more I am useful .  Would I rather feel loss or freedom?  Would I rather feel anxious or content?  Would I rather feel useful or useless?  Would I rather feel sadness or contentment?  Would I rather feel love or disconnection?  I am blessed.

I began writing this blog for myself, for my journey, for support to continue until the end of the 30 days.  As soon as people started liking it, however, it started gradually shifting towards being a vehicle for attention and approval.  Today, with 11 days to go, I’m shifting back.  At this very moment I’m not sure how that will play out, but it is my intention.  Would I rather be distracted or focused?  I’m not sure.  Would I rather feel good or bad?  I would rather feel good.

I can focus and choose the thoughts I think, and I can be guided by connection to source and emotions which guide me.

Thank you…

Day 18 – Loving food and sleep

Kale is everywhere.  Where did it come from?  I believe that I can live a spectacularly healthy life with out Kale.  And with gluten, by the way.  I like to tell folks that I am allergic to gluten free things.  Not that I have some high pedestal from which to look down on food fads.  One month during my Junior Year of High School I was on a diet which only allowed me to eat hard boiled eggs and grapefruit.  Another was just bananas – the fruit, not the insanity.  


The point being this – now that I am practicing the belief that my body is lovable and worth caring for, I am eating a little differently.  It’s subtle, but now I choose my foods based on the emotion I feel when choosing the food – you could call it a “gut feeling”.   I can’t see where it’s going because I’ve never been there.  I anticipate a new world to appreciate.  

I need to get to bed now.  Honoring the sleep impulse as well!

It’s the morning of Day 19, but I am adding a little to this post from yesterday.  Because I literally fell asleep while writing so I needed to clean up the last part there, and add that today I will practice tuning to my emotions before making decisions about eating or anything else, thus allowing myself to be guided to the path of good.  

Day 17 – Don’t Fear the Dark

I read something this morning about embracing our own darkness and how that will allow us to see the light – the other side of the darkness.  I’ve been experiencing darkness for a couple of days, and I describe that darkness as neediness.  Emotional neediness; I thrive on the opinions of others about me.  I wish it wasn’t so.  I frequently pretend that it isn’t so.  However, it is so. There, I’ve said it.  Not embracing it yet, just feeling the full wave of negative emotion right now.  I’m hot, my muscles are tense, tears are streaming.  For me, this is the darkest part of me that I am currently aware of.  Right this minute I cannot envision a life which is not based around this emotional neediness.  That is not affected greatly by the opinions of others.  The glimpse of light is what I have received so far on this journey.  I don’t care what anybody thinks about my body now.  And that is amazing and a gift I never expected.  But now I want more of that.   I suppose that is what’s on the other side of the pain I am feeling at this very moment.  

Years ago I had no friends, I had no god, I had no hope.  How amazingly grateful am I today that I have loving friends, a loving god, and ever present hope.  I used to drink away the darkness.  Now I do not.  Nor do I smoke it away, or eat it away.  Hope just reared its bonny head.  I am blessed with love from friends and from source, and with the strength to experience emotion.  I don’t ever have to feel this pain again.  I don’t  mean to say that I will not have pain again.  Just not this specific pain.  Because I have the time and the tools, right this moment, to allow healing.  To allow the light.  To wait and feel and wait and feel until I get to neutral.  Like a cork bobbing on the water.  

OK now, to my Landmark teachings.  Ooh, good, I’m starting to bore myself.  Approaching neutrality.  I declare a breakdown.  Ah, closer to neutrality.  I am the possibility of peace, stillness, knowing.  I am the possibility of grace, which can be defined as simple elegance. Now what is the action that leads to peace…stillness…knowing…grace.  Not trying to fix anything.  Meditate.  


Day 16- A short post after midnight

Technically it’s Day 17 because it’s after midnight, but I’m not in bed yet so it still seems like Day 16 to me!  I started this blog because I thought that if I focused on loving my body, then healthy thoughts about my body could replace the old beliefs that were keeping me with a body that was often uncomfortable and aging.  Well, I was right.

You see, I knew to try it because I have experience with replacing old beliefs with new beneficial ones and seeing my life change for the better.  Here’s why I think it works:  I made up stories and developed beliefs all through life, and sometimes they get in my way.  They block what some call the Sunlight of the Spirit.  I get caught up in my head and I make other people wrong.  I have negative emotions and I cannot access the power of the universe.  

Bottom line is that after 50 years of hating my body in different ways, a few days of consciously noticing when I love my body, Not hating my body now comes naturally to me.  So my cells can cooperate with source.  I remain healthy.   

Day 15 – My new diet and exercise program

2012-05-04 05.27.12I’m starting my blog early today because I had a marvelous morning so far, and I had a marvelous morning because I had a magnificent meditation and I did what came to mind as inspired action.  I want to recommend to everyone who reads this that you take advantage of the free stuff that Deepak Chopra offers – he’s a tuned in spiritual dude who charges LOTS of moolah to people like Oprah to come and learn from his center.  And he’s willing to offer us free meditations so I really suggest you try them and see what you like.  The current 21-day Meditation Experience focuses on “Expanding you Happiness” and today is Day 1.  Here’s the link, and it is in the sidebar also:

Now, back to the radical notion that Molly Mills would have a diet and exercise program.  Here it is:  Do what feels good.  Yup, that’s it!  I am going to shout it:  DO WHAT FEELS GOOD.  And what I was inspired to do, and it did feel good, was walk to the gym and work out with the weight machines..  And I can lift double what I ever did in the past.  I am not sure why or how, but IT IS FUN!

Oh boy, I didn’t have such a great afternoon.  I let myself get off the beam.  Way off.  And what do I want to do?  Go back to the gym!  This is a very interesting development.  I’m going to look for a yoga class now.  More later…

Time to finish it up.  What a crazy day it’s been.  I had a big disappointment today which leads me to be ready to continue to let go of more beliefs.  This half of the body love journey has been a journey to freedom and new possibilities that I didn’t even know I wanted.  Oh, I found the most excellent yoga class.  It was exactly what I needed.  Just remembering some discussion with friends lately concerning speaking my truth and it not being my business if another was in the space to hear it.  That’s what happened today.  All is well.IMG_0724

Day 14 – Loving thoughts

There is only one me and I am choosing, right now, to treat myself like a VIP:  Rockstar, movie star, queen, famous writer.  I’m gonna think thoughts that make me feel good. The most powerful loving thought are thoughts of happiness, joy, love, bliss, peace, serenity, FUN.  Lately, I can always get happy thinking about trees.  I just love the stability and flexibility of trees.  I can look at a tree standing tall and swaying in the breeze, and I can imagine myself being like that.  Being tall and useful and stable.  Being connected to everything. 3013321513_f1784b3c83_b

What I have learned is that thoughts attract other thoughts.  I am not as well practiced at following a pleasant train of thought as I am at following unpleasant trains.  The thing is, again, that it’s all about choice.  It’s my choice what to focus on.  So much of my time is spent thinking about what action to take, and then doing nothing, which makes me feel guilty.   OK, that’s neither fun nor productive.  So I’m gonna spend my thinking time with the fun trains, as much as I can.  Until it’s so practiced that it’s the go to thinking.  And just imagine the actions I will be inspired to.  Fun, fun, fun.

The pleasant train…

Day 13 -Triskaidekaphobia

T13oday’s title has nothing to do with my 30-day love journey.  Yet – you know I will come across something.  Triskaidekaphobia is, of course, the fear of the number 13.  I do not have this phobia, I love the number 13.  I don’t know how to pronounce it.  Google it.

Any-way it’s late and I’m being silly.  Aha!  I know what to do;  I will list 13 things I love about my skin bag:

1.) My toes are cute and useful for holding on my flip-flops.

2.) My leg muscles are awesome.

3.) I love being 5’7″ because it’s not to tall and not to short…just right.

4.) I love my smile because other people notice it and get happy

5.) I can walk for a long time and not get tired.

6.) I love my fat belly because it is a part of my lovable body.

7.) When I take a deep breath and clear my mind, my body relaxes.

8,) I love how I am able to clear my mind. And how I can focus my mind.

9,) I love my blood sugar level because it helps me to focus on keeping a healthy body.

10.)  My hair is thick and wavy and easy to care for.

11.) I have lots of freckles which make me smile

12.)  My 5 senses and the wonderful feelings they induce

13.)  My butt sits very comfortably in chairs.

Day 12 – I make stuff up

images-3Yep, I do.  I make stuff up.  Sometimes in my relationships with people, specifically male people (I’m a straight female), I make up stuff that makes me feel bad.  (I feel a 30-days to loving myself in relationships blog coming…).  But for now, I am just using that as a contrast to what I’m practicing with my current blog – making up good shit about my body.  Oops, I will go back to using the word stuff but you can read it how you like.  I learned several years ago that I might as well use this imagination of mine to make up good stuff.  It’s not always easy, though, with every topic.  “A belief is just a thought you keep thinking”, says Abraham-Hicks.  I had to break through this wall of beliefs that I made concerning my body and  my worthiness and open it up a crack.  Through that crack, the new stories could grow. 

So here’s some stories I make up…All food is equally good for me.  My mind shapes my body.  It is healthier for me to eat what I want than to follow someone else’s “healthy eating” rules.  When I am in alignment with source, I know exactly what to eat, how to eat, how to move, and I also love purely.  I imagine that some of you are thinking – oh boy, she is in a fantasy world.  She’s probably gonna die soon with that kind of storytelling!  

If you are a fearless reader of this blog, however, you can probably get yourself to agree with my reality which is that these stories are much healthier than my old stories.  I’ve already been eating whatever I like, and shaping my body with my thoughts, all the while pretending to be following the “rules” or thinking of myself as a bad girl for not following.  I would place a large wager on the likelihood of my health improving with these new stories.  

Tonight for the first time in 12 days I overate – meaning that my stomach is overfull and I’m uncomfortable.  I have never been able to will myself to avoid overeating for more than one or two meals.  My new stories just made it the easy thing.   And overeating tonight is  quite alright.  I spilled some milk too.  Not crying!

And I'm still that cute!

Day 11 – New Habits

Somebody said that it takes 14 days to form a new habit.  I don’t know who said it or if it is true.  But I am on day 11, and I can see that the habit of loving my body is taking form.  I have to admit that when I started this, I had an outcome in mind.  I wanted to prove something.  I wanted people to KNOW!  Not quite sure what I was trying to prove – something about how life is not fair and if you just listen to me, it will all be much better.  What I have started to prove instead, to myself at least, is that it’s really a good thing that you all don’t listen to me.  Well, I like it when you listen, but just don’t do what I say.  Do what is right for you. Things work out.

News Flash – what you think about me is none of my business, but what I think about me IS my business. Because – another flash – I can change what I think.  It’s not always easy, it requires some work, some honesty, some vulnerability even.  I know I’m not alone in getting this concept backwards for many years. Thinking that  I can’t change myself, but I can change others.  And when I accomplished the impossible, things would then turn out ok.

So the new habit is love.  It’s easy to love, as it turns out.  Most parts of my body feel good and work great.  Some parts are not working great or feeling good.  But they aren’t evil.  All parts are lovable.  Because they are me, and my body parts work together to allow me to exist in this physical world.  I am an important part of god’s creation, and I have a part to play.  So do you.  And so do my chihuahuas, and every other living and non-living thingamabob.