During my group meditation meeting tonight, I found that I have developed a habit of trusting my inner guidance to improve all areas of my life. Slowly over the years I have been releasing the idea that I must power through, by myself, in certain areas of my life. If I just work hard enough, or I am charming enough, or manipulative, or pushy, then I will get what I want. And of course, sometimes I do get what I want. But it doesn’t feel that good. Feels like it could have been better, or easier, or more fun. Sometimes I hurt people when I don’t want to. But powering through is not the best way. It’s ok, but not best. And it’s hard work and dishonest and never best. It’s like dieting. And following what is called “god’s will” in some circles is better. It feels more peaceful and effective. And even when things go wrong it is much better because there is no big attachment.
One of my spiritual books says that dependence on god is not the way of weakness; it is the way of strength. But I didn’t understand that until tonight.