Day 9 – Fun at the Gym

Tomorrow I will practice letting go of the notion that I know how everyone thinks.  It has been a long and dearly held belief of mine that I know what others think, know, believe and want.  I have let it go in many areas of my life, and that has improved my life immensely.  However, wherever I still hold my belief that I am omniscient, my life is not completely satisfactory.  This commitment to love my body for 30 days has demonstrated this to me. I kinda wish I’d thought of it sooner.  It’s what happens when you cut a little hole in an old belief, and allow yourself to believe differently.  I have experienced it a few times before.  Always happens in response to a plea to the power which I will call God.

So here’s the deal.  I have never loved my body.  I never even tried.  I have used it as my reason, or excuse, for every part of my life that is not going the way I want.  This is the truth, and I am not even exaggerating.   Of course, I blamed you.  If you had not been judging me, ignoring me, laughing at me behind my back, then I would be ok.  Because of what you thought, I was not allowed to love my body until it was…prettier, thinner, stronger, more feminine, fit…fill in the blank.  And, although I blamed you, I never told you.  I couldn’t, because then the whole house of mirrors would come crashing down around me.

Now, I’m not crazy, or even dysfunctional. I simply don’t have a life that is as magical as I desire it to be.  Sharing this 30-day body love journey is upping the magic.  Yes, yep, yessiree bob!

gym rat

Oh, and about the gym.  I went today.  I went for fun, and not to fix anything.  I felt my body during yoga.  I looked in the mirror during both yoga and weights and saw a person I’ve never seen. I pushed harder when it felt right, and scaled it back when that felt right.  It was fun.

 

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