Tomorrow I will practice letting go of the notion that I know how everyone thinks. It has been a long and dearly held belief of mine that I know what others think, know, believe and want. I have let it go in many areas of my life, and that has improved my life immensely. However, wherever I still hold my belief that I am omniscient, my life is not completely satisfactory. This commitment to love my body for 30 days has demonstrated this to me. I kinda wish I’d thought of it sooner. It’s what happens when you cut a little hole in an old belief, and allow yourself to believe differently. I have experienced it a few times before. Always happens in response to a plea to the power which I will call God.
So here’s the deal. I have never loved my body. I never even tried. I have used it as my reason, or excuse, for every part of my life that is not going the way I want. This is the truth, and I am not even exaggerating. Of course, I blamed you. If you had not been judging me, ignoring me, laughing at me behind my back, then I would be ok. Because of what you thought, I was not allowed to love my body until it was…prettier, thinner, stronger, more feminine, fit…fill in the blank. And, although I blamed you, I never told you. I couldn’t, because then the whole house of mirrors would come crashing down around me.
Now, I’m not crazy, or even dysfunctional. I simply don’t have a life that is as magical as I desire it to be. Sharing this 30-day body love journey is upping the magic. Yes, yep, yessiree bob!
Oh, and about the gym. I went today. I went for fun, and not to fix anything. I felt my body during yoga. I looked in the mirror during both yoga and weights and saw a person I’ve never seen. I pushed harder when it felt right, and scaled it back when that felt right. It was fun.