The sugar thing

According to my “HOWMANYDAYS” app I haven’t had sweets for 13 days.  Deep breath.  Sometimes I really want them.  Yesterday there were brownie bites in the staff room.  I almost had to reach out with one hand to pull the other away.  And it wasn’t because I really wanted to eat a brownie bite.  It was habit.  How many things do I do by habit that are not good for me?  Yes, I totally understand that brownie bites are not the devil.  Nor did the devil put them there to tempt me on Friday morning at 7:30 am on the week before the last week of school.  This 100 days of no sweets experiment is a gift to myself as a way to learn about me.  To shake up my patterns a little bit and see what sticks out.

Summer is coming and for me that means moving from  tightly scheduled days to no schedule.  Every summer ends with thoughts of regret that I “didn’t get more done”.  I think a very productive summer would be to unearth habits that no longer serve me.  Accept them, love myself and let go.  So I do have a structure.  It’s the structure to eat no sweets.  That is a loving structure in which I can move freely.  Move freely towards my unending goal of ever growing peace and happiness.

My 100 day commitment included:  1 hour of meditation a day, blog every day, and no sugar.  It didn’t work for me.  The sugar thing turned out to be the thing.  I am grateful.

2 percent done!

It’s day 2 of 100 days.  Deciding to completely cut out sweets is easier than deciding to treat or not to treat.  Today, that is.  Remind me when I’m crying at the next birthday party with  a big chocolate cake.

One thing I’m noticing is that I’m caring a little more about what I’m ingesting.  That little  pause that I take to make sure it’s something non-sugary is a pause for me.  To ponder my food choices.

I’m not against sugar, and am fully expecting to develop a more mindful relationship with the treats.  But for now, just a cleanse, so to speak.  I wonder what other ways I will be finding to treat myself without sugar.  Got any ideas?

What’s in a New Year?

It’s just a day.  New Year’s Eve…Like a birthday, it only has meaning that we humans assign to it.  I just turned 54 a couple of weeks ago, and that didn’t seem old at all until my mom told me this weekend that she was 57 when she and my dad began their retirement.  And I remember that she was OLD when that happened.  So, I guess I like being old.  I KNOW I like being old. I have time to sit and think and ponder and breathe and wonder and love.  Which brings me to the point of this post.  My word of the year.

It is stillness.  STILLNESS.  

Last year’s word was adventure.  After a year of adventure, one appreciates some stillness.

Facebook friends add much to my life, and it is on Facebook that I learned about Word of the Year.  From a “friend” named Molly, who I do not know in any way know outside of Facebook – it was just some little twist that occurred because we had the same name.  I can’t remember the details and am not in the mood to make them up.  I have met flesh and bone friends in similar ways.

I like words.  So much so that the Online Etymology Dictionary was the first bookmark on my iPad.  So I was immediately attracted to the idea of Word or the Year.  It’s something of an alternative to the dreaded New Year’s Resolutions.  Which are useful only as a boost to the revenues of 24-hour Fitness, Weight Watchers,  Nicorette gum and Kale farmers.  Word of the Year works like this.   Before the end of December, you begin to ponder your word.  You do not try, or struggle or effort.  You allow the word to find you.  After it finds you, it is recommended that you learn more about your word, including the origins.  Personally, I start the process by reflecting on the current word.  Oh, yeah, post your word on Facebook or somewhere else to help you remember it, if you are old like me.  At some point around March, I usually forget my word, but by then it doesn’t matter because it’s become part of my thinking

Adventure – I remember choosing it because I wanted to allow myself to experience newly.  And I did.  Beginning 2014 with the experience of the Landmark Forum, I created possibilities and enrolled others.  My adventures have been close to home – more adventures of the spirit than of activity.  The result has been confidence and courage that was previously hidden.  And a willingness to feel deeper connection to others.

So, now, stillness.  

I considered other words.  Stillness came out on top – and here’s why.  In my research, I found out that the phrase “still, small voice” is from the Bible.  Yeah, I’m sure most of you already knew that.  It is from Kings.  It talks about the lord being not in the mighty wind, or the fierce fire, or the earthquake – but in a still small voice.  And I will spend time in 2015 listening to that still, small voice.  It comes from stillness.  Not necessarily of body, or even mind, but stillness of spirit.  Holding a place where intuition can sneak in around, over or through the noise.  Ahhhhh.

I will let you know how it’s going.

Wow, it’s day 25

I love my job because I love the people.  I love the kids.  I love the parents. I love the teachers. I love the custodians. School is the best place to be. Well, for a workplace it’s one of the best, anyway. One reason is hope. When surrounded by youngin’s  every day, hope is usually easy to find. They want stuff.  All kinds of stuff. They see stuff. They expect a good life. And that makes me know that life is good.

Oh, it can get crazy and feel hard and I cry sometimes.  But that’s life. I feel my emotions now. I don’t hide them nearly as much as in the past. And it balances to more good than bad. More great than rotten. More hope and joy than despair. I love it.

Oh my gosh it’s coming to an end! Day 24

Soon the 30 days will be over!  One result of this mostly inner journey is that I now better appreciate myself.  Some barriers to love simply faded away as I practiced the love.  Others just reared up and pounded me mercilessly on the head until I surrendered.  It’s this thing of attachment vs. commitment.  When I attach myself to a specific outcome, which is not manifesting, I cannot feel the love that is all around.  When I relax my grip…the love opens up and sucks me in.


8 days to go

IMG_0546I love my work.  My next blog will be 30 days of loving my job.  I love it and I am also becoming ready toIMG_0103 move on.  My point – back to work today.  It was great feeling more connected with people.  As my fear of making a bad impression fades it is easier to care about others, and to listen.  Some of my relationships are deepening while others are fading.  It all unfolds as it should, as is comfortable, as I desire, as I observe.  I slept so well last night.  I feel amazing.  Bedtime.



I love my healthy body. I know that my healthiness is in direct proportion with my ability to allow emotion. I’m glad I noticed this today. I laugh and cry easily. As I grow up, I enjoy these emotions more. They deepen. Soon I will be able to increase momentum on the positive emotions just as well as I do with negative ones. As I do that my health will improve. 



Day 20 of 30 days of loving my body

Today is a milestone, as I have been loving my body for 20 days in a row as my good friend Ellene would say.  Yesterday I fell asleep and forgot to publish my entry.  So you will find it today, below this one.  Right this minute it is simple.  Loving my own body is my natural state, as it is for every human being.  Loving my own mind is my natural state.  Loving is my natural state.  fairy lightheart

Pleasing others is not my natural state.  It is a simple outgrowth of allowing the love to flow, but when I try to please it is trying.  I’m thinking of the other way we use trying, such as “it’s been a trying day”, meaning challenging. Tomorrow I’m not going to try.  I’m going to be…lighthearted and peaceful.  Like Sunday should be.

Day 19 – Leaping along the path

I am spending the last day of my summer vacation with myself.  I have been allowing inspired thoughts and actions.  I venture more deeply into the state of “what other people think of me is none of my business”.  I envy those humans who already believe this.  I am not there yet.  I often allow myself to be guided by the real or imagined reaction of others.  I seek approval. I cannot imagine life without it, right now in this moment.  It is, however, the next step for me.  Every moment is a step along the path which is my life, and the better I pay attention to the path, the more I am useful .  Would I rather feel loss or freedom?  Would I rather feel anxious or content?  Would I rather feel useful or useless?  Would I rather feel sadness or contentment?  Would I rather feel love or disconnection?  I am blessed.

I began writing this blog for myself, for my journey, for support to continue until the end of the 30 days.  As soon as people started liking it, however, it started gradually shifting towards being a vehicle for attention and approval.  Today, with 11 days to go, I’m shifting back.  At this very moment I’m not sure how that will play out, but it is my intention.  Would I rather be distracted or focused?  I’m not sure.  Would I rather feel good or bad?  I would rather feel good.

I can focus and choose the thoughts I think, and I can be guided by connection to source and emotions which guide me.

Thank you…

Day 18 – Loving food and sleep

Kale is everywhere.  Where did it come from?  I believe that I can live a spectacularly healthy life with out Kale.  And with gluten, by the way.  I like to tell folks that I am allergic to gluten free things.  Not that I have some high pedestal from which to look down on food fads.  One month during my Junior Year of High School I was on a diet which only allowed me to eat hard boiled eggs and grapefruit.  Another was just bananas – the fruit, not the insanity.  


The point being this – now that I am practicing the belief that my body is lovable and worth caring for, I am eating a little differently.  It’s subtle, but now I choose my foods based on the emotion I feel when choosing the food – you could call it a “gut feeling”.   I can’t see where it’s going because I’ve never been there.  I anticipate a new world to appreciate.  

I need to get to bed now.  Honoring the sleep impulse as well!

It’s the morning of Day 19, but I am adding a little to this post from yesterday.  Because I literally fell asleep while writing so I needed to clean up the last part there, and add that today I will practice tuning to my emotions before making decisions about eating or anything else, thus allowing myself to be guided to the path of good.