Hello, friends. About halfway through the 30 days of loving my body, I was experiencing so much transformation that I thought, “I should do this for other areas of my life”. So keep following me. And watch my job transform itself around me. I can’t imagine what I will be realizing.
Tonight I experienced spontaneous self-love. What happened was, I was reading an email from a friend, and then began my response and a wave of happiness spread through me. It was gentle and felt like love. And the thought that entered was: “I love me!” It’s cool, the outcome of this 30 day journey. I have appreciated everyone’s love and comments and support very much. I have really enjoyed the deepening connection I have felt with many. OK, just used the thesaurus because “really enjoyed sounded weak”, so I have verily enjoyed reaching out. My words on this page (computer screen) cannot completely convey my experience. Not simply because I can’t find the perfect words, but more because each human beings experience is different. That has become clearer for me. I have altered the way I experience life. I have stepped back and been more accepting, in the sense that I wait, and listen, and allow the meaning of others’ to flow in.
I love this. No wonder I love me. How can I not love me, when what I am is an expression of god in human form. I know that many would say they don’t believe that. But everyone does know it. We all just use our own words and have our own experience. I like mine.
During my group meditation meeting tonight, I found that I have developed a habit of trusting my inner guidance to improve all areas of my life. Slowly over the years I have been releasing the idea that I must power through, by myself, in certain areas of my life. If I just work hard enough, or I am charming enough, or manipulative, or pushy, then I will get what I want. And of course, sometimes I do get what I want. But it doesn’t feel that good. Feels like it could have been better, or easier, or more fun. Sometimes I hurt people when I don’t want to. But powering through is not the best way. It’s ok, but not best. And it’s hard work and dishonest and never best. It’s like dieting. And following what is called “god’s will” in some circles is better. It feels more peaceful and effective. And even when things go wrong it is much better because there is no big attachment.
One of my spiritual books says that dependence on god is not the way of weakness; it is the way of strength. But I didn’t understand that until tonight.
Yes, I am actually going on a blind date. We have communicated on email but not yet met. I probably should be getting ready but instead I am opening my life to you, my avid readership. I’m excited about it because of the transformed way of being I have been practicing and developing over the 26 days of blogging about loving my body. And by the way, I am about 5 pounds lighter than when I started. Gonna write a book – blogging your way to a slimmer you! No, I’m not. That would negate the whole premise of my blog, which is that my body knows what it needs and if I can get my own little plans and schemes out of the way, my body will thrive.
Ha! back to the blind date. It’s not the first date I’ve been on since Mark died in 2007. But I am way more excited about it. Same premise. My inner self knows what it needs in relation to dating and relationships, and tonight, I will get my own little plans and schemes out of the way and let it flow…
We all know the adage – would you rather be right or would you rather be happy. Sadly, I always have to ponder for a bit. I just so like to be right! I’ve been practicing enjoying my moments, and the moments are better when my focus is happiness, or joy or peace or contentment. Strangely enough, “being right” is disempowering. It’s a hollow victory to trample someone else’s emotions or self-esteem. But when I feel wronged, it takes a bit. I do a forgiveness prayer. I focus on other things. I pray for the person. I love, appreciate and value all the good that my life has to offer. Let go of resentment. It requires, for me, both intention and follow through.
I even look right in this baby pic.
I have a gaggle (or more) of caring, loving and helpful folks in my life and I am never alone. It’s another gift. By focusing on the fun and love of my life, I am bringing in more positivity Like attracts like. So they say. It continues to make my slightly uncomfortable. That’s because I haven’t let go. I want to be right, So, the commitment is not about anyone but ME. So I’m going to go to bed now..Good night
Soon the 30 days will be over! One result of this mostly inner journey is that I now better appreciate myself. Some barriers to love simply faded away as I practiced the love. Others just reared up and pounded me mercilessly on the head until I surrendered. It’s this thing of attachment vs. commitment. When I attach myself to a specific outcome, which is not manifesting, I cannot feel the love that is all around. When I relax my grip…the love opens up and sucks me in.
It’s late. I don’t wanna skip a day. I have what I allow to be. I desire things that I don’t yet see. What I see in my mind’s eye wants to be. All of it is there for me, like falling off a log. Goodnight
I love my work. My next blog will be 30 days of loving my job. I love it and I am also becoming ready to move on. My point – back to work today. It was great feeling more connected with people. As my fear of making a bad impression fades it is easier to care about others, and to listen. Some of my relationships are deepening while others are fading. It all unfolds as it should, as is comfortable, as I desire, as I observe. I slept so well last night. I feel amazing. Bedtime.
I love my healthy body. I know that my healthiness is in direct proportion with my ability to allow emotion. I’m glad I noticed this today. I laugh and cry easily. As I grow up, I enjoy these emotions more. They deepen. Soon I will be able to increase momentum on the positive emotions just as well as I do with negative ones. As I do that my health will improve.
Today is a milestone, as I have been loving my body for 20 days in a row as my good friend Ellene would say. Yesterday I fell asleep and forgot to publish my entry. So you will find it today, below this one. Right this minute it is simple. Loving my own body is my natural state, as it is for every human being. Loving my own mind is my natural state. Loving is my natural state.
Pleasing others is not my natural state. It is a simple outgrowth of allowing the love to flow, but when I try to please it is trying. I’m thinking of the other way we use trying, such as “it’s been a trying day”, meaning challenging. Tomorrow I’m not going to try. I’m going to be…lighthearted and peaceful. Like Sunday should be.