Day 10 – Slept ’till noon

On August 6, 2014August 6, 2014 By missmollysIn body love, Uncategorized1 Comment

I like to keep my feet on the ground and my head in the clouds. Or sometimes on the pillow. The special freedom of a teacher’s life in the Summer is drawing to a close in the next couple of weeks. Not like the end of summer for a kid, which is just a shock one day when you have to get up and go to school. Teachers ease in, with a few meetings, classroom prep, setting up the computer. Then, the First Day of School. But for today, it’s still Summer with a capital S, and today the S was for snooze. The kind of day where I decided to take a nap at 8 am. Woke with a headache. Lots of chances to have unproductive thoughts. And then ignore them and go back to sleep. No going to the gym. No getting dressed, for that matter.

I do realize that changing thought patterns can be exhausting, and so I very much appreciated the chance to just let myself be today. Kind of like my chiropractor wants me to rest my neck after the adjustment.

Maybe someone is keeping up with my daily practices, and if so, you know that today was remembering that I don’t actually know what other people are thinking. Yep, it came in handy today. The truth is that my negative thoughts about myself are usually hidden…shrouded perhaps…in these thoughts about how I can please others. Or manage them. Or get them off my back. Or fool them. Poppycock! Here’s how it went today…Wake up and think “all the other teachers think I”m lazy” …”oh yeah, I don’t actually know what other people think” “am I lazy”…”no, I don’t think so”. Go back to sleep. Good stuff to know.

Tomorrow…I really want a cleaned up house, so the best thoughts to practice are thoughts of worthiness. I am lovable – not in spite of who I am but because of who I am. And so are you.

Day 9 – Fun at the Gym

On August 5, 2014August 5, 2014 By missmollysIn body loveLeave a comment

Tomorrow I will practice letting go of the notion that I know how everyone thinks. It has been a long and dearly held belief of mine that I know what others think, know, believe and want. I have let it go in many areas of my life, and that has improved my life immensely. However, wherever I still hold my belief that I am omniscient, my life is not completely satisfactory. This commitment to love my body for 30 days has demonstrated this to me. I kinda wish I’d thought of it sooner. It’s what happens when you cut a little hole in an old belief, and allow yourself to believe differently. I have experienced it a few times before. Always happens in response to a plea to the power which I will call God.

So here’s the deal. I have never loved my body. I never even tried. I have used it as my reason, or excuse, for every part of my life that is not going the way I want. This is the truth, and I am not even exaggerating. Of course, I blamed you. If you had not been judging me, ignoring me, laughing at me behind my back, then I would be ok. Because of what you thought, I was not allowed to love my body until it was…prettier, thinner, stronger, more feminine, fit…fill in the blank. And, although I blamed you, I never told you. I couldn’t, because then the whole house of mirrors would come crashing down around me.

Now, I’m not crazy, or even dysfunctional. I simply don’t have a life that is as magical as I desire it to be. Sharing this 30-day body love journey is upping the magic. Yes, yep, yessiree bob!

Oh, and about the gym. I went today. I went for fun, and not to fix anything. I felt my body during yoga. I looked in the mirror during both yoga and weights and saw a person I’ve never seen. I pushed harder when it felt right, and scaled it back when that felt right. It was fun.

Day 8 – Unconditional Love

On August 4, 2014August 4, 2014 By missmollysIn body love1 Comment

She’s got the joy, joy, joy. joy down in her heart today…

I have some teachers, and one is Abraham-Hicks. Abraham talks about unconditional love as a way of describing a connection to source energy. I mean that I love, no matter what conditions surround me, as much as I allow that connection. And today I practiced. And I had a day without fear. I had a day without hatred. I had a day without judgement. Well, I guess I had a little, but it felt so weird that I just laughed it away.

I joined a gym today! That was unexpected. It just felt right, it was the next logical step. I’ve been wishing from time to time that I had not cancelled my membership, because I so much enjoy, sometimes, exerting my body with the weight machines. Then, today, I received an email with a good deal, and I went in. First of all, the girls behind the desk applauded. Secondly, it took only a few minutes, and I ended up with an even better deal. Finally, I got a free massage for a friend who is a current member.

If you are a regular reader, you have faith that I can pull this together with the theme of unconditional love. Yep, here goes…I joined the gym because I love my body, fully, in it’s current condition. And I don’t expect a fix. I expect to feel good, and have fun. So when the girls applauded, I joined in their excitement, instead of thinking – “they are happy the fat girl is gonna try to get thin.” And that’s the condition my condition is in.

Day 7 – a good tired

On August 4, 2014 By missmollysIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

What does it mean: I’m tired, but it’s a good tired. Honestly, I never gave it much thought. It describes how I feel right at this moment. Because I can still write today’s musings, it’s a good tired. Bad tired is when I have to go to bed and not fulfill my commitment to myself. I can say that better, because that last sentence did NOT feel good. I’m committed to loving my body this month, and so any kind of tired is just fine.

Eating has been more pleasurable this week. As I lower the resistance to good health, I feel free to eat as my body desires. I am imperfect and enjoying every minute of it.

Am literally snoozing at the typewriter. The practice for tomorrow will be…unconditional love.

Day 6 – Give thyself permission

On August 2, 2014 By missmollysIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

In so many ways, on so many topics, I think for myself. Some might say I militantly think for myself. About a few topics, however, I am a scaredy cat. It has been quite a while since I have experienced the swift and powerful shift towards freedom that I have experience during this first week of giving myself permission to honestly express my love of my body, and honestly express what has stopped the love for many years. Letting myself off the hook for so many thoughts about my physical self, and about the bodies of others. Thoughts of which I was so embarrassed or ashamed that I did not acknowledge them to myself. I’m surprised at how insidious it is; like a computer virus in my mind. An example – I have always thought I was ashamed of my body size and shape. In reality, it’s more accurate to say that I’ve been ashamed of not liking my body size and shape, and doing all sorts of misdirections and storytelling about it. I said I didn’t care when I did, and said I did care when I didn’t.

By practicing deeper honesty with myself and others, it is as if a gauzy curtain of lies has been cleared away. Practicing loving my body has turned out to be so much easier than practicing loving my thoughts. What I am finding is this: letting go of the habit of body hatred and replacing it with body love has uncovered an underlying and real problem – I am ashamed of the way I think about myself and others. And I spend lots of time covering up that shame. And somehow I am letting that shame go. and am allowing the emergence of a free, loving and true spirit. It feels good.

Now, in closing, let me tell you some stuff I love about Molly’s body: the way the roll around my middle gives me a place to rest my hands; diabetes which has inspired me to find a way to love myself; my hair and eyes which are beautiful and breathtaking; my arms which are strong and good at hugging.

Day 5 – What I learned on my summer vacation

On August 1, 2014August 1, 2014 By missmollysIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Judgmental people are hard on themselves. I judge judgmental people. This is not news to me, but I did not put it together until today how much this judging hurts me. I am hard on myself. Not always, but sometimes. And I don’t even notice it most of the time. Until now. It is today’s gift from the 30 day process. 30 days of loving my body. Having given myself permission to love the previously unlovable, and then made a commitment to myself to write something every day and share what I am learning, I can notice. I have more time and space to think. I read something today about how much time women spend comparing and categorizing themselves; apparently it happens every 30 seconds or something like that. And it interferes with thinking and learning, which I have definitely observed in my students. As I have expressed in previous posts, one of the gifts so far in this process is a feeling of greater freedom. A whole bunch of thinking which I have previously felt required to do is no longer required. Of course, it never was, but I didn’t know. I am grateful for this marvelous journey

I’m going to post a few links here, which may be of interest to those who enjoy my journey so far:

Fat Links

Ted Talk:

http://youtu.be/73SXX0w4eY8

Body Love Wellness website

http://www.bodylovewellness.com

My Body Gallery

http://www.mybodygallery.com/index.html

Day 4 – 30 days of loving my body

On July 31, 2014 By missmollysIn Uncategorized8 Comments

Today’s plan was to notice all thoughts about my body and flood every thought with golden liquid love. Hmmm…It was a full and busy day and I’m not sure I noticed and flooded ’em all. It was a wonderful day. I was with family, I was of service, I didn’t think selfishly of myself and my needs, but was present in each moment to what was needed to increase the love. Ah, that feels good. Talk about some golden liquid love! Let us now relate all of this to the body love topic, Miss Mills. Ok, here goes – the practice of loving my physical self has increased the love for everything. There it is. One of the reasons that I embarked on this journey is that is has become apparent that there are parts of me – areas of my life – beliefs – that are like love resistors. They block the love coming in and going out. Not totally, but more like a semi-permeable membrane. I desire more love, flowing freely. And body image/awareness/hate/love has been part of my thought life for many years. Literally as far back as I can remember.

Seriously…I thought the number on the scale, the waist measurement, the roundness and firmness of my stomach fat was one of those things that I was required by some unspoken law to ponder, obsess over, feel guilty about, protest, complain about. No such law exists. What a concept! I find it remarkable that I am such a physically healthy person, given the barrage of unnecessary and unhelpful thoughts I’ve amassed over the years. I’m a healthy girl! It can be so easy to care for myself. It doesn’t take a lot of work, or time, or pain, or suffering. It takes the willingness to be playful and joyful and to listen. It takes a belief in freedom, a freedom to choose what I want to eat based on my emotional guidance. And not simply what I want to eat, but what I want to do. Or NOT do. Here’s one more thing. I’m sharing this journey; I’m doing the blog, because I can’t let go of any thing that I continue to hide. Vulnerability – Brene Brown – I bet you’ve seen the TED talk. Everybody knows and nobody cares. You care about ME, maybe, but you don’t care much about my thoughts. You can’t until I share them. And they become simple thoughts/fairytales/stories. And they are not me, but they are a part of me that I don’t need. So – you can have them. I don’t need those thoughts anymore.

Day 3 – 30 days to love my body

On July 30, 2014 By missmollysIn body love1 Comment

Today’s plan was to love the bodies of others. Pretty easy…even though we are staying at a hotel full of cheerleaders! Yes really. Cheer camp. I can’t laugh at them, since I went to Band camp. More than once. I was mean to cheerleaders in high school. Had you asked me then, I would have been certain that it was the cheerleaders who were mean girls. But I cannot tell you one cruel thing that any cheerleader ever said or did to me. I do remember talking crap about them, making fun of them behind their backs, and assuming a level of superiority, both emotional and mental. Wow, none of that makes any sense at all to me now. As I get closer to my real self, I am able to love more authentically.

Which brings us back to today’s plan. Love all bodies. Yep, I did. Bodies are awesome. I noticed many shapes and sizes. And I saw many ways of being, ways of eating, ways of talking, ways of dressing, ways of interacting, ways of serving. I did judge some of this. But I honestly did not have a negative thought about anyone’s body today. That’s a new kind of freedom. I also ate exactly what I wanted today. And for the second day in a row, I did not feel overstuffed. No logy feeling. I naturally ate food that tastes good to me and ate the right amount for me.

I’m feeling strongly right now that these 30 days of loving my body are going to be good for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Results that will far exceed anything I ever got from a “diet”. It’s a feeling of peace and freedom and connection.

Plan for tomorrow: notice all thoughts about my own body and flood every thought with golden liquid love.

I will let you know how it goes…

A 30-day Journey to Loving My Body – Day 2

On July 29, 2014July 29, 2014 By missmollysIn body love1 Comment

Yesterday, I said “I am loving my body by letting myself off the hook for caring what others think.” Guess what. I think a lot about other people’s bodies! Wow, you guys are too thin, too short, too fat, too tall, clothes too tight, too much makeup, uncomfortable shoes. You are also beautiful, lucky, so much better than me. So, my 30-day journey has already grown to not simply loving my body, but loving yours too.

About my body…it did great today. My legs are still a little bit sore from my hike on Saturday. And I feel that soreness, and I feel appreciation for my legs. Strong and sturdy 53 year old legs. Been able to walk for a looong time now. And my sense of balance! I almost never fall down. Do you know that my senses are astonishing. Right now, I feel the breeze on my skin. I see shapes and colors and people. I hear happy voices and cars going by. My brain and my senses create beautiful compositions of all this and more. I can take a breath, clear my mind for a moment and experience it as all part of ME.

It’s only the second day of this journey. So far it has been fun. The more I find to love and appreciate, the easier it becomes to redirect my thoughts when I hear a critical thought come in. More on that soon. For now, the goal for the next day is to love other people’s bodies. Nothing to lose there, I think. I’ll let you know how it goes!

A 30-day journey to love my body

On July 28, 2014July 28, 2014 By missmollysIn Uncategorized2 Comments

My body is amazing. Strong legs, long wavy hair, cute toes, smiling eyes. It does so much good stuff without any instructions from me! It breathes, circulates blood, digests, thinks, laughs and loves. It deserves my love and appreciation. So, when I saw a social media post with photos of someone’s 30-day journey of diet and exercise, with photos, I thought…”Hey, Molly, why don’t you do a 30-day journey to love your body. Yep, the fat tummy, the achy shoulder, the gray hair. Every single bit of it. It will be fun and easy. And share this 30-day journey. Document it. See what happens.”

So, it is day 1. Today I am loving my body by letting myself off the hook for caring what others think. Deep breath, and I just let go of that. For a moment. Guess what? I am experiencing pretty strong emotion right now. Maybe you have heard of the Emotional Guidance System. I learned about it from the book Ask and It Is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks. What I know is that my emotions guide me to think and act in ways that are best for me. When negative emotions come up, that is a magic key to unlock a belief that is not serving me.

A belief that does serve me is the belief that Source Energy is loving, personally, towards me. Source is beaming powerful loving energy to me at all times, and it is my choice whether to allow it in. Source loves my body, so when I think loving thoughts about my body, that feels good. But if I try to think things that I”m not ready to really believe, it feels bad. So I think more general, less specific thoughts. And the love can shine through again!

So, tomorrow I will let you know about my experiences with letting myself off the hook. Day 1 begins…

Love.

Miss Molly's Mystical Merriment

Author: missmollys