Emotions

I love my healthy body. I know that my healthiness is in direct proportion with my ability to allow emotion. I’m glad I noticed this today. I laugh and cry easily. As I grow up, I enjoy these emotions more. They deepen. Soon I will be able to increase momentum on the positive emotions just as well as I do with negative ones. As I do that my health will improve. 

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Day 20 of 30 days of loving my body

Today is a milestone, as I have been loving my body for 20 days in a row as my good friend Ellene would say.  Yesterday I fell asleep and forgot to publish my entry.  So you will find it today, below this one.  Right this minute it is simple.  Loving my own body is my natural state, as it is for every human being.  Loving my own mind is my natural state.  Loving is my natural state.  fairy lightheart

Pleasing others is not my natural state.  It is a simple outgrowth of allowing the love to flow, but when I try to please it is trying.  I’m thinking of the other way we use trying, such as “it’s been a trying day”, meaning challenging. Tomorrow I’m not going to try.  I’m going to be…lighthearted and peaceful.  Like Sunday should be.

Day 18 – Loving food and sleep

Kale is everywhere.  Where did it come from?  I believe that I can live a spectacularly healthy life with out Kale.  And with gluten, by the way.  I like to tell folks that I am allergic to gluten free things.  Not that I have some high pedestal from which to look down on food fads.  One month during my Junior Year of High School I was on a diet which only allowed me to eat hard boiled eggs and grapefruit.  Another was just bananas – the fruit, not the insanity.  

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The point being this – now that I am practicing the belief that my body is lovable and worth caring for, I am eating a little differently.  It’s subtle, but now I choose my foods based on the emotion I feel when choosing the food – you could call it a “gut feeling”.   I can’t see where it’s going because I’ve never been there.  I anticipate a new world to appreciate.  

I need to get to bed now.  Honoring the sleep impulse as well!

It’s the morning of Day 19, but I am adding a little to this post from yesterday.  Because I literally fell asleep while writing so I needed to clean up the last part there, and add that today I will practice tuning to my emotions before making decisions about eating or anything else, thus allowing myself to be guided to the path of good.  

Day 17 – Don’t Fear the Dark

I read something this morning about embracing our own darkness and how that will allow us to see the light – the other side of the darkness.  I’ve been experiencing darkness for a couple of days, and I describe that darkness as neediness.  Emotional neediness; I thrive on the opinions of others about me.  I wish it wasn’t so.  I frequently pretend that it isn’t so.  However, it is so. There, I’ve said it.  Not embracing it yet, just feeling the full wave of negative emotion right now.  I’m hot, my muscles are tense, tears are streaming.  For me, this is the darkest part of me that I am currently aware of.  Right this minute I cannot envision a life which is not based around this emotional neediness.  That is not affected greatly by the opinions of others.  The glimpse of light is what I have received so far on this journey.  I don’t care what anybody thinks about my body now.  And that is amazing and a gift I never expected.  But now I want more of that.   I suppose that is what’s on the other side of the pain I am feeling at this very moment.  

Years ago I had no friends, I had no god, I had no hope.  How amazingly grateful am I today that I have loving friends, a loving god, and ever present hope.  I used to drink away the darkness.  Now I do not.  Nor do I smoke it away, or eat it away.  Hope just reared its bonny head.  I am blessed with love from friends and from source, and with the strength to experience emotion.  I don’t ever have to feel this pain again.  I don’t  mean to say that I will not have pain again.  Just not this specific pain.  Because I have the time and the tools, right this moment, to allow healing.  To allow the light.  To wait and feel and wait and feel until I get to neutral.  Like a cork bobbing on the water.  

OK now, to my Landmark teachings.  Ooh, good, I’m starting to bore myself.  Approaching neutrality.  I declare a breakdown.  Ah, closer to neutrality.  I am the possibility of peace, stillness, knowing.  I am the possibility of grace, which can be defined as simple elegance. Now what is the action that leads to peace…stillness…knowing…grace.  Not trying to fix anything.  Meditate.  

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Day 15 – My new diet and exercise program

2012-05-04 05.27.12I’m starting my blog early today because I had a marvelous morning so far, and I had a marvelous morning because I had a magnificent meditation and I did what came to mind as inspired action.  I want to recommend to everyone who reads this that you take advantage of the free stuff that Deepak Chopra offers – he’s a tuned in spiritual dude who charges LOTS of moolah to people like Oprah to come and learn from his center.  And he’s willing to offer us free meditations so I really suggest you try them and see what you like.  The current 21-day Meditation Experience focuses on “Expanding you Happiness” and today is Day 1.  Here’s the link, and it is in the sidebar also:  https://chopracentermeditation.com.

Now, back to the radical notion that Molly Mills would have a diet and exercise program.  Here it is:  Do what feels good.  Yup, that’s it!  I am going to shout it:  DO WHAT FEELS GOOD.  And what I was inspired to do, and it did feel good, was walk to the gym and work out with the weight machines..  And I can lift double what I ever did in the past.  I am not sure why or how, but IT IS FUN!

Oh boy, I didn’t have such a great afternoon.  I let myself get off the beam.  Way off.  And what do I want to do?  Go back to the gym!  This is a very interesting development.  I’m going to look for a yoga class now.  More later…

Time to finish it up.  What a crazy day it’s been.  I had a big disappointment today which leads me to be ready to continue to let go of more beliefs.  This half of the body love journey has been a journey to freedom and new possibilities that I didn’t even know I wanted.  Oh, I found the most excellent yoga class.  It was exactly what I needed.  Just remembering some discussion with friends lately concerning speaking my truth and it not being my business if another was in the space to hear it.  That’s what happened today.  All is well.IMG_0724

Day 12 – I make stuff up

images-3Yep, I do.  I make stuff up.  Sometimes in my relationships with people, specifically male people (I’m a straight female), I make up stuff that makes me feel bad.  (I feel a 30-days to loving myself in relationships blog coming…).  But for now, I am just using that as a contrast to what I’m practicing with my current blog – making up good shit about my body.  Oops, I will go back to using the word stuff but you can read it how you like.  I learned several years ago that I might as well use this imagination of mine to make up good stuff.  It’s not always easy, though, with every topic.  “A belief is just a thought you keep thinking”, says Abraham-Hicks.  I had to break through this wall of beliefs that I made concerning my body and  my worthiness and open it up a crack.  Through that crack, the new stories could grow. 

So here’s some stories I make up…All food is equally good for me.  My mind shapes my body.  It is healthier for me to eat what I want than to follow someone else’s “healthy eating” rules.  When I am in alignment with source, I know exactly what to eat, how to eat, how to move, and I also love purely.  I imagine that some of you are thinking – oh boy, she is in a fantasy world.  She’s probably gonna die soon with that kind of storytelling!  

If you are a fearless reader of this blog, however, you can probably get yourself to agree with my reality which is that these stories are much healthier than my old stories.  I’ve already been eating whatever I like, and shaping my body with my thoughts, all the while pretending to be following the “rules” or thinking of myself as a bad girl for not following.  I would place a large wager on the likelihood of my health improving with these new stories.  

Tonight for the first time in 12 days I overate – meaning that my stomach is overfull and I’m uncomfortable.  I have never been able to will myself to avoid overeating for more than one or two meals.  My new stories just made it the easy thing.   And overeating tonight is  quite alright.  I spilled some milk too.  Not crying!

And I'm still that cute!

Day 11 – New Habits

Somebody said that it takes 14 days to form a new habit.  I don’t know who said it or if it is true.  But I am on day 11, and I can see that the habit of loving my body is taking form.  I have to admit that when I started this, I had an outcome in mind.  I wanted to prove something.  I wanted people to KNOW!  Not quite sure what I was trying to prove – something about how life is not fair and if you just listen to me, it will all be much better.  What I have started to prove instead, to myself at least, is that it’s really a good thing that you all don’t listen to me.  Well, I like it when you listen, but just don’t do what I say.  Do what is right for you. Things work out.

News Flash – what you think about me is none of my business, but what I think about me IS my business. Because – another flash – I can change what I think.  It’s not always easy, it requires some work, some honesty, some vulnerability even.  I know I’m not alone in getting this concept backwards for many years. Thinking that  I can’t change myself, but I can change others.  And when I accomplished the impossible, things would then turn out ok.

So the new habit is love.  It’s easy to love, as it turns out.  Most parts of my body feel good and work great.  Some parts are not working great or feeling good.  But they aren’t evil.  All parts are lovable.  Because they are me, and my body parts work together to allow me to exist in this physical world.  I am an important part of god’s creation, and I have a part to play.  So do you.  And so do my chihuahuas, and every other living and non-living thingamabob.

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Day 10 – Slept ’till noon

I like to keep my feet on the ground and my head in the clouds.  Or sometimes on the pillow.  The special freedom of a teacher’s life in the Summer is drawing to a close in the next couple of weeks.  Not like the end of summer for a kid, which is just a shock one day when you have to get up and go to school.  Teachers ease in, with a few meetings, classroom prep, setting up the computer.  Then, the First Day of School.  But for today, it’s still Summer with a capital S, and today the S was for snooze.  The kind of day where I decided to take a nap at 8 am.  Woke with a headache.  Lots of chances to have unproductive thoughts.  And then ignore them and go back to sleep.  No going to the gym.  No getting dressed, for that matter.

I do realize that changing thought patterns can be exhausting, and so I very much appreciated the chance to just let myself be today.  Kind of like my chiropractor wants me to rest my neck after the adjustment.

Maybe someone is keeping up with my daily practices, and if so, you know that today was remembering that I don’t actually know what other people are thinking.  Yep, it came in handy today.  The truth is that my negative thoughts about myself are usually hidden…shrouded perhaps…in these thoughts about how I can please others.  Or manage them.  Or get them off my back.  Or fool them. Poppycock!  Here’s how it went today…Wake up and think “all the other teachers think I”m lazy” …”oh yeah, I don’t actually know what other people think”   “am I lazy”…”no, I don’t think so”.  Go back to sleep.  Good stuff to know.

Tomorrow…I really want a cleaned up house, so the best thoughts to practice are thoughts of worthiness.  I am lovable – not in spite of who I am but because of who I am.  And so are you.

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Day 3 – 30 days to love my body

Today’s plan was to love the bodies of others.  Pretty easy…even though we are staying at a hotel full of cheerleaders!  Yes really.  Cheer camp.  I can’t laugh at them, since I went to Band camp.  More than once.  I was mean to cheerleaders in high school.  Had you asked me then, I would have been certain that it was the cheerleaders who were mean girls.  But I cannot tell you one cruel thing that any cheerleader ever said or did to me.  I do remember talking crap about them, making fun of them behind their backs, and assuming a level of superiority, both emotional and mental.  Wow, none of that makes any sense at all to me now.  As I get closer to my real self, I am able to love more authentically.

Which brings us back to today’s plan.  Love all bodies.  Yep, I did.  Bodies are awesome.  I noticed many shapes and sizes.  And I saw many ways of being, ways of eating, ways of talking, ways of dressing, ways of interacting, ways of serving.  I did judge some of this.  But I honestly did not have a negative thought about anyone’s body today.  That’s a new kind of freedom.  I also ate exactly what I wanted today.  And for the second day in a row, I did not feel overstuffed.  No logy feeling.  I naturally ate food that tastes good to me and ate the right amount for me.

I’m feeling strongly right now that these 30 days of loving my body are going to be good for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health.  Results that will far exceed anything I ever got from a “diet”.  It’s a feeling of peace and freedom and connection.

Plan for tomorrow:  notice all thoughts about my own body and flood every thought with golden liquid love.

I will let you know how it goes…

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A 30-day journey to love my body

IMG_1062My body is amazing.  Strong legs, long wavy hair, cute toes, smiling eyes.  It does so much good stuff without any instructions from me!  It breathes, circulates blood, digests, thinks, laughs and loves.  It deserves my love and appreciation.  So, when I saw a social media post with photos of someone’s 30-day journey of diet and exercise, with photos, I thought…”Hey, Molly, why don’t you do a 30-day journey to love your body.  Yep, the fat tummy, the achy shoulder, the gray hair.  Every single bit of it.  It will be fun and easy.  And share this 30-day journey.  Document it.  See what happens.”

So, it is day 1.  Today I am loving my body by letting myself off the hook for caring what others think. Deep breath, and I just let go of that.  For a moment.  Guess what?  I am experiencing pretty strong emotion right now.  Maybe you have heard of the Emotional Guidance System.  I learned about it from the book Ask and It Is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks. What I know is that my emotions guide me to think and act in ways that are best for me.  When negative emotions come up, that is a magic key to unlock a belief that is not serving me.

A belief that does serve me is the belief that Source Energy is loving, personally, towards me.  Source is beaming powerful loving energy to me at all times, and it is my choice whether to allow it in.  Source loves my body, so when I think loving thoughts about my body, that feels good.  But if I try to think things that I”m not ready to really believe, it feels bad.  So I think more general, less specific thoughts.  And the love can shine through again!

So, tomorrow I will let you know about my experiences with letting myself off the hook.  Day 1 begins…

Love.