It’s late. I don’t wanna skip a day. I have what I allow to be. I desire things that I don’t yet see. What I see in my mind’s eye wants to be. All of it is there for me, like falling off a log. Goodnight
I love my work. My next blog will be 30 days of loving my job. I love it and I am also becoming ready to move on. My point – back to work today. It was great feeling more connected with people. As my fear of making a bad impression fades it is easier to care about others, and to listen. Some of my relationships are deepening while others are fading. It all unfolds as it should, as is comfortable, as I desire, as I observe. I slept so well last night. I feel amazing. Bedtime.
I love my healthy body. I know that my healthiness is in direct proportion with my ability to allow emotion. I’m glad I noticed this today. I laugh and cry easily. As I grow up, I enjoy these emotions more. They deepen. Soon I will be able to increase momentum on the positive emotions just as well as I do with negative ones. As I do that my health will improve.
Today is a milestone, as I have been loving my body for 20 days in a row as my good friend Ellene would say. Yesterday I fell asleep and forgot to publish my entry. So you will find it today, below this one. Right this minute it is simple. Loving my own body is my natural state, as it is for every human being. Loving my own mind is my natural state. Loving is my natural state.
Pleasing others is not my natural state. It is a simple outgrowth of allowing the love to flow, but when I try to please it is trying. I’m thinking of the other way we use trying, such as “it’s been a trying day”, meaning challenging. Tomorrow I’m not going to try. I’m going to be…lighthearted and peaceful. Like Sunday should be.
I am spending the last day of my summer vacation with myself. I have been allowing inspired thoughts and actions. I venture more deeply into the state of “what other people think of me is none of my business”. I envy those humans who already believe this. I am not there yet. I often allow myself to be guided by the real or imagined reaction of others. I seek approval. I cannot imagine life without it, right now in this moment. It is, however, the next step for me. Every moment is a step along the path which is my life, and the better I pay attention to the path, the more I am useful . Would I rather feel loss or freedom? Would I rather feel anxious or content? Would I rather feel useful or useless? Would I rather feel sadness or contentment? Would I rather feel love or disconnection? I am blessed.
I began writing this blog for myself, for my journey, for support to continue until the end of the 30 days. As soon as people started liking it, however, it started gradually shifting towards being a vehicle for attention and approval. Today, with 11 days to go, I’m shifting back. At this very moment I’m not sure how that will play out, but it is my intention. Would I rather be distracted or focused? I’m not sure. Would I rather feel good or bad? I would rather feel good.
I can focus and choose the thoughts I think, and I can be guided by connection to source and emotions which guide me.
Kale is everywhere. Where did it come from? I believe that I can live a spectacularly healthy life with out Kale. And with gluten, by the way. I like to tell folks that I am allergic to gluten free things. Not that I have some high pedestal from which to look down on food fads. One month during my Junior Year of High School I was on a diet which only allowed me to eat hard boiled eggs and grapefruit. Another was just bananas – the fruit, not the insanity.
The point being this – now that I am practicing the belief that my body is lovable and worth caring for, I am eating a little differently. It’s subtle, but now I choose my foods based on the emotion I feel when choosing the food – you could call it a “gut feeling”. I can’t see where it’s going because I’ve never been there. I anticipate a new world to appreciate.
I need to get to bed now. Honoring the sleep impulse as well!
It’s the morning of Day 19, but I am adding a little to this post from yesterday. Because I literally fell asleep while writing so I needed to clean up the last part there, and add that today I will practice tuning to my emotions before making decisions about eating or anything else, thus allowing myself to be guided to the path of good.
I read something this morning about embracing our own darkness and how that will allow us to see the light – the other side of the darkness. I’ve been experiencing darkness for a couple of days, and I describe that darkness as neediness. Emotional neediness; I thrive on the opinions of others about me. I wish it wasn’t so. I frequently pretend that it isn’t so. However, it is so. There, I’ve said it. Not embracing it yet, just feeling the full wave of negative emotion right now. I’m hot, my muscles are tense, tears are streaming. For me, this is the darkest part of me that I am currently aware of. Right this minute I cannot envision a life which is not based around this emotional neediness. That is not affected greatly by the opinions of others. The glimpse of light is what I have received so far on this journey. I don’t care what anybody thinks about my body now. And that is amazing and a gift I never expected. But now I want more of that. I suppose that is what’s on the other side of the pain I am feeling at this very moment.
Years ago I had no friends, I had no god, I had no hope. How amazingly grateful am I today that I have loving friends, a loving god, and ever present hope. I used to drink away the darkness. Now I do not. Nor do I smoke it away, or eat it away. Hope just reared its bonny head. I am blessed with love from friends and from source, and with the strength to experience emotion. I don’t ever have to feel this pain again. I don’t mean to say that I will not have pain again. Just not this specific pain. Because I have the time and the tools, right this moment, to allow healing. To allow the light. To wait and feel and wait and feel until I get to neutral. Like a cork bobbing on the water.
OK now, to my Landmark teachings. Ooh, good, I’m starting to bore myself. Approaching neutrality. I declare a breakdown. Ah, closer to neutrality. I am the possibility of peace, stillness, knowing. I am the possibility of grace, which can be defined as simple elegance. Now what is the action that leads to peace…stillness…knowing…grace. Not trying to fix anything. Meditate.
Technically it’s Day 17 because it’s after midnight, but I’m not in bed yet so it still seems like Day 16 to me! I started this blog because I thought that if I focused on loving my body, then healthy thoughts about my body could replace the old beliefs that were keeping me with a body that was often uncomfortable and aging. Well, I was right.
You see, I knew to try it because I have experience with replacing old beliefs with new beneficial ones and seeing my life change for the better. Here’s why I think it works: I made up stories and developed beliefs all through life, and sometimes they get in my way. They block what some call the Sunlight of the Spirit. I get caught up in my head and I make other people wrong. I have negative emotions and I cannot access the power of the universe.
Bottom line is that after 50 years of hating my body in different ways, a few days of consciously noticing when I love my body, Not hating my body now comes naturally to me. So my cells can cooperate with source. I remain healthy.
I’m starting my blog early today because I had a marvelous morning so far, and I had a marvelous morning because I had a magnificent meditation and I did what came to mind as inspired action. I want to recommend to everyone who reads this that you take advantage of the free stuff that Deepak Chopra offers – he’s a tuned in spiritual dude who charges LOTS of moolah to people like Oprah to come and learn from his center. And he’s willing to offer us free meditations so I really suggest you try them and see what you like. The current 21-day Meditation Experience focuses on “Expanding you Happiness” and today is Day 1. Here’s the link, and it is in the sidebar also: https://chopracentermeditation.com.
Now, back to the radical notion that Molly Mills would have a diet and exercise program. Here it is: Do what feels good. Yup, that’s it! I am going to shout it: DO WHAT FEELS GOOD. And what I was inspired to do, and it did feel good, was walk to the gym and work out with the weight machines.. And I can lift double what I ever did in the past. I am not sure why or how, but IT IS FUN!
Oh boy, I didn’t have such a great afternoon. I let myself get off the beam. Way off. And what do I want to do? Go back to the gym! This is a very interesting development. I’m going to look for a yoga class now. More later…
Time to finish it up. What a crazy day it’s been. I had a big disappointment today which leads me to be ready to continue to let go of more beliefs. This half of the body love journey has been a journey to freedom and new possibilities that I didn’t even know I wanted. Oh, I found the most excellent yoga class. It was exactly what I needed. Just remembering some discussion with friends lately concerning speaking my truth and it not being my business if another was in the space to hear it. That’s what happened today. All is well.
There is only one me and I am choosing, right now, to treat myself like a VIP: Rockstar, movie star, queen, famous writer. I’m gonna think thoughts that make me feel good. The most powerful loving thought are thoughts of happiness, joy, love, bliss, peace, serenity, FUN. Lately, I can always get happy thinking about trees. I just love the stability and flexibility of trees. I can look at a tree standing tall and swaying in the breeze, and I can imagine myself being like that. Being tall and useful and stable. Being connected to everything.
What I have learned is that thoughts attract other thoughts. I am not as well practiced at following a pleasant train of thought as I am at following unpleasant trains. The thing is, again, that it’s all about choice. It’s my choice what to focus on. So much of my time is spent thinking about what action to take, and then doing nothing, which makes me feel guilty. OK, that’s neither fun nor productive. So I’m gonna spend my thinking time with the fun trains, as much as I can. Until it’s so practiced that it’s the go to thinking. And just imagine the actions I will be inspired to. Fun, fun, fun.